轉貼 - 讀李家同學英文》十全十美的一天

[max0551]

【經濟日報／出自聯經出版《讀李家同學英文1》】 2006.11.12 04:01 am


今天早上，我感到特別的爽。

我的五十肩，已經伴隨我快五年了，每天早上醒來，第一個感覺就是左手臂隱隱作痛，可是今天，一點感覺都沒有了。

窗外，天特別的藍。微風吹進來，還帶一些桂花的香味。我的枕邊人，卻不見了。原來她在替我做早飯。

結婚以後，我就告訴我老婆，人家貴為英國首相的柴契爾夫人，都會替她老公每天早上做早飯，妳也應該如此。

我老婆一口拒絕，她說：「早上睡早覺是神聖不可侵犯的人權，早飯你只好自理了。可是如果你做成了英國首相，我願意替你每天做早飯。」這是什麼邏輯？

今天，她卻一反常態的問我：「老公，你要吃炒蛋，還是荷包蛋？」

上班了，我照樣偷偷地看報，那位可惡的科長走進來看到我在看報，竟然一句話也不說，還和我聊了幾句。

業務會報，我照例亂講一氣，科長聽了以後，居然無所謂的樣子，可是我的那些同事全被他罵得狗血淋頭。

吃午飯的時候，更怪的事發生了，別人的菜都一模一樣地用大鍋菜燒出來的，我卻有一盤回鍋肉，味道也完全對我的胃口，哪有這麼巧？

我實在忍不住了，正好隔壁的老王是我的知己，因此我就問他，「老兄，怎麼回事？為什麼我今天什麼事都順利得不得了？」

老王反問我：「你真的不知道？」「我真的不知道。」

「要知道真相嗎？」

「我當然要。」

「那就告訴你吧，你已經死了。你應該知道，只有死人才會有這種十全十美的日子。」

我大聲抗議：「你胡說，你胡說，我活得好好的……」

「老公，你怎麼又講夢話了？」我被我的老婆推醒。「真討厭，一大早講夢話，害得我被你吵醒了。」

我揉了一下眼睛，立刻感到我的肩膀隱隱作痛，我的黃臉婆蓬頭散髮地睡在我旁邊，我忽然覺得她好可愛，忍不住親了她一下。

「你瘋了，老瘋子。」這下子她真醒了，立刻下達命令：「下班以後，買一斤里肌肉，我還要一些番茄……」

她還在下命令的時候，我早就溜了出來。我知道她的脾氣。只要我記得一兩件東西，帶回家亮相，就可以交差，反正她是個寬宏大量的人。

外面下著大雨，沒有柴契爾夫人替我燒早飯，我只好撐著傘，先去門口小店吃燒餅油條，然後在雨中擠上了公車上班。

上班的時候，我老是笑嘻嘻地。午餐時，老王對我說：「老李，你吃錯了什麼藥？平常只聽到你發牢騷，是個牢騷大王，今天怎麼一句埋怨的話都沒有了？」我說：「老王，發什麼牢騷？如果你一早醒來，發現世界美得不得了，一點牢騷都沒有，那你就完了。」老王太年輕，他似乎聽不懂我的意思。


This morning I felt like a million dollars.

I've been plagued with frozen shoulder for nearly five years now. Every morning when I wake up, my first sensation is a dull pain in my left arm. Today, however,I felt no sensation at all.

Outside the window, the sky was remarkably blue. A gentle breeze blew in, carrying with it the fragrance of laurel blossoms. My bedside companion had disappeared,though-as it turned out, she had gone to fix breakfast for me. After I got married, I told my wife that even Margaret Thatcher, the venerable British prime minister,made breakfast for her husband every morning, so she ought to do the same. But my wife flatly refused. She said, "A good morning's sleep is a sacred and inviolable human right. You'll have to take care of breakfast on your own. But if you ever become prime minister of England, I'll make you breakfast every morning." What kind of logic is that？But today she was completely out of character: "Honey, do you want fried eggs or poached" she asked.

At work, as I snuck my customary peek at the newspaper,that nasty department head walked in, but he didn't say a word about it！He even made a bit of small talk with me.

For my work report, as usual I said whatever nonsense popped into my head, but he didn't seem to mind. My coworkers, on the other hand, he castigated mercilessly.

At lunchtime an even stranger thing happened: everyone else ate identical food from the same big pot, but I got a plate of double-cooked pork, and the taste suited my appetite perfectly. Surely it wasn't just a coincidence？

I really couldn't take it anymore. My good friend Old Wang happened to be by my side, so I asked him,"Brother, what's going on？Why is everything going so unbelievably smoothly for me today？"

Old Wang replied, "You really don't know"

"I really don't know."

"Do you want to know the truth？"

"Of course I do."

"Then I'll tell you：you're dead. You ought to know; only the dead have such completely perfect days."

I loudly protested: "No way, you're making this up. I'm alive and well…"

"Husband, are you talking in your sleep again？" I was jolted awake by my wife. "So obnoxious！ Talking in your sleep at the crack of dawn, waking me up from a good night's sleep…"

I rubbed my eyes a little and immediately felt a dull pain in my shoulder. My old lady was sleeping all disheveled by my side. Suddenly I thought how cute she looked, and I couldn't resist giving her a kiss.

"You're crazy, you old lunatic." Now she was really awake, and she immediately began issuing orders: "After you get off work, buy a catty of tenderloin. I want some tomatoes, too…" While she was still giving orders, I had already slipped out. I know her temperament: as long as I remember to bring home a couple things to keep up appearances, I can say I' ve fulfilled my duty. In any case, she's a charitable person.

It was raining hard outside, and there was no Mrs.Thatcher to make me breakfast. I could only open up my umbrella, drop by the little shop near the gate for a clay oven roll and a fried bread stick, then crowd into the bus to go to work.

At work I was in continually high spirits. At lunch, Old Wang said to me, " Old Lee, what's gotten into youUsually I just hear you complain-you're the master of complaining. How is it I haven't heard you carp about a single thing today？" I say, "Old Wang, what is there to complain about？If you woke up one morning and discovered how amazingly beautiful the world is-absolutely nothing to complain about-then that'd be the end of you." Old Wang is too young-he didn't seem to understand what I meant.

【2006/11/12 經濟日報】

http://udn.com/NEWS/FINANCE/FIN11/3599627.shtml

[oya1340]

謝謝分享好文章.. 感同身受阿...
我還是當個勞碌命者好了省得全身不對勁...

[milk]

作者: oya1340

謝謝分享好文章.. 感同身受阿...
我還是當個勞碌命者好了省得全身不對勁...

反正就已經是天生勞碌命了
多幾件事沒差吧
那我的事也順便幫我分擔了

這週連續三天都要上台paper discussion
就交給你翻譯啦

對你很好吧

改天要扛-80度冰箱時會再找你

[anotherlevel]

人人都喜歡上天堂
但是沒有人想提早死亡